“I’ll never go in that garden again,” Gertrude Giant told me when I met with her to talk about the case. It’s been two weeks since her husband George’s death and the local police still have no leads.
Gertrude said the events that led to his death started when she found a wide beanstalk that had sprung up in the garden on the edge of their property.
“It was weird but all kinds of magical things happen when you live on the edge of the kingdom. So, we weren’t worried at the time. Just curious to see what would happen,” she recounted to me.
The next day, George and his wife found signs of a possible englishman infestation. Items in their kitchen were in disarray and food was partially eaten. The couple later found that a bag of gold they had been saving to cover surgery expenses for George’s mother was missing.
“I told George to call the Englishman Control Program, but he wanted to try to find it himself.” It was a holiday weekend anyway, so they wouldn’t have been able to come out for a week he figured. “Once he followed the englishman’s scent from the kitchen, he found our gold missing,” Gertrude said.
Unfortunately for George and Gertrude, that wouldn’t be all the englishman would steal. Next, was a golden goose the couple had found years earlier. The couple had used the golden eggs it produced three times a year to help fund local charities like the Homeless Giant Alliance, Ogre Orphanage, and Counseling Center for the Veterans of the Cyclops War.
The Counseling Center for Veterans of the Cyclops War is where most of their donations went. This is because George was a veteran of that war, himself. Also, like many giants who fought in that war, he returned home with PTSD.
“Without the Counseling Center and the magical golden harp, I don’t think George would have made it very long after he came back,” Gertrude told me. “It was lovely when it played and the only thing that allowed George to fall asleep without the nightmares.”
It was that same magical golden harp that was the robber’s latest item to steal and the one that would lead to George’s untimely death.
Gertrude told me she had crawled in bed and was about to fall asleep when she heard a “Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum!” bellow from her husband. “I instantly knew something really bad was going on. “He never used that kind of language unless he’s really upset.” She said.
Gertrude ran to the living room to see what was going on and saw George chasing a tiny human — who was carrying away his precious golden harp. “I had heard of englishmans before, of course. George told me he’d seen some in his travels. My sister, who lives on the other end of the kingdom, said they’ve been having regular infestations for years over there. It’s only recently that they started happening in our lands. And nobody seemed to know why.”
Maybe the golden harp was the last straw for poor George; maybe this incident would have happened eventually if the robberies continued. But, this time George was determined to put a stop to it. Gertrude says she did try to stop him from following the englishman down that same mysterious beanpole that sprang up in their yard before.
“I kept yelling his name, asking him to come back, trying to follow him as he climbed down. Then I saw the beanpole start to tilt and slide away…” Gertrude stops talking here because she starts crying and it takes a while for her to be able to continue.
She heard George’s screams and the loud “whomp” of his soon-to-be lifeless body hitting ground. Staring down the hole where the beanpole was, she could see parts of George’s body, covered in miles of broken beanstalk, and some of the surrounding land of the human world through the clouds below. A world she never knew existed — with a hidden danger that she would find out about too late.
Local authorities told me that they were aware of the rise in human sightings and had recently set up their Englishman Control Program to try to get a handle on it. Human experts at the Kingdom Species Research Center say that not all humans are to be feared, though. They related several cases where giant families kept humans as friendly pets or found other ways to coexist.
Police Chief Angor described the englishman’s profile that was built from Mrs. Giant’s testimony and investigators at the scene. A tiny id was found at the scene that identified the culprit’s name as “Jack.” He has said to be of average englishman height and has short, blonde hair. If you spot this individual, please contact your local police or Englishman Control.
Gertrude is now trying to find ways to get on with her life without George and find a way for his death to have some meaning. At his memorial, where hundreds of giants, whose lives he touched, came from their town and neighboring lands, she had this warning to say to the gathered mourners:
“Be watchful and vigilant. If you see any beanpoles or other magical plants spring up in your area, destroy them and contact Englishman Control. We’re no longer in a time where we can take magical plants for granted. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Thank you for coming to honor George.”
After our interview, Gertrude dug up some golden eggs they had buried for emergencies. She plans to use those to start a relief foundation for victims of malevolent englishman. Something she says is her way to honor George’s heart for others. One that lives on through her and the many giants he has helped in his all too brief life.
Bad Speler. Good Writer. 
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