My wife and I adopted our son—our first and only child—when he was 10 years old. Looking back, it seems that we had to wait for him and he had to wait for us—his future forever family.
The abuse and neglect he had to experience during his time with his biological parents, sickens me. However, the support and guidance he got from the foster parents, workers, and counselors that came before us makes me thankful. He has physical and emotional scars from the time with his biological parents. Much was healed by those who raised him before us since then.
The Oklahoma DHS system refers to their foster families program as Bridge Resources. They believe foster families should be a bridge of support for displaced kids until they—hopefully—can be reunited with their biological parents. Or get adopted, or age out of the system.
Many parents do clean up their act and learn how to parent properly. Many foster families may be worse situations or little help for the kids in their care. However, contrary to “horror stories” people like to share and news reports, not as many as people think. That was certainly not the case with our son’s foster families (3 total).
While we’ve only got to meet the one who had him before us, we did get to read about his history at the other homes. Two of those were failed adoption attempts. Considering his behaviour issues at those times, it’s understandable. But still sad. I don’t think he was ready for a long-term home yet.
It was the foster parents he had right before us who really helped him through his biggest growth period. Theirs was a therapeutic foster care home. Meaning foster parents specially trained to deal with unique physical and emotional needs. That home continues to care for multiple foster kids and probably will for many years. It’s a household built around being a bridge for kids in need.
Our house, on the other hand, experienced quite a disruption when got our son. Instead of the baby or toddler we originally wanted, we got a fully formed 10-year-old. After 15 years of marriage—with just the two of us—we didn’t know how unprepared we were. Of course, we had seen our friends raising their kids and thought we had an understanding. But there’s a big difference between theory and practice.
We’re learning to be parents and he’s learning to be a true son. Our family is learning together. There are struggles. I know there’s many more ahead. But I thank God he’s ours and I’m thankful for those foster parents who came before.
Bad Speler. Good Writer. 
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